Long Time No See

I am doing something I never thought I'd be doing. In January, I'm packing up my bags and making a long, boring drive into the middle of nowhere. I'm going to a place where the life of the city is indeed the college campus, as there is nothing else to see. Where am I going? Lubbock, Texas. Why am I going? Because I'm doing something I didn't think was possible.

I'm graduating early from high school.

"Why Lubbock?" one may ask. Well, there's a school there called Texas Tech University... so that's why. The reason I'm telling you about my planned trip to the world of college? Well, it's because I'm going to talk about growth. Cool? Cool.

I've grown a lot throughout high school. I've made new friends, I've lost old friends, I've dated people, I've dumped and been dumped by people. I've done many things I never thought I'd do. I've explored things I probably shouldn't have explored (but my impulsive and rebellious behavior told me to explore). I've, you know, grown. I went from being a dorky, confused freshmen to an even more dorky, confused senior. Just kiddingggg. While I was dorky and confused my freshmen year, I have definitely changed a lot since then. For one, I did tap in to a more rebellious side. I think it started around the time I started to distance myself from my old church friends.

(****side note: the other authors on this page were those friends, and I really miss them****)

So basically, I started exploring, which isn't bad, but sometimes it's not good. Sophomore year, I hated my life. I really did. The only thing I enjoyed was swim team and my drawing class. Other than that, it was a bad year. But for real though.... I don't remember anything about that year. Except for swim team and art class. I just remember being miserable in between those classes. I wasn't doing drugs or anything that would make me forget that year, but the fact that sophomore year is just a giant fluff ball of nothing is pretty sad to me. Art class I was happy, swim practice I was happy. Anything else? Nope. I don't remember a thing. (Oh except English class. But I only remember the cute boy who sat behind me.) So sophomore year is when things started going way downhill. I did pick up guitar though and had a very, very good summer. Got a job, turned 16, made lots of memories. But then........... I met a boy. Now, I had a sort of thing with someone before this boy, but that thing ended as quickly as it started. But this new boy. We went to homecoming together last year and then started dating. That's when the real exploring began.

I've long strayed from the path of Christianity. I have a love for things like Woodstock, a festival I'm pretty sure most Christians have a huge hatred for. But me? I'm independent, I think on my own. Is that bad? OF COURSE NOT. But when you disconnect yourself from God and continue to act on your own, rebellious free will 100% of the time, I assure you things will go spiraling downward. End of junior year, I broke up with my boyfriend, went down a dark and dangerous path, isolated myself. And the sad part is that when I reached out for a hand, those friends just slapped it away and watched me fall apart. Of course they were the friends I had made during my dumb exploration period, so it was no surprise that when I actually needed guidance and support that they pushed me away, but it did hurt. It hurt when I watched people I thought cared about me go right into the arms of the devil.

So end of junior year, I turned in my schedule for senior year. Shortly after that, I dropped out of my high school and enrolled into a great online program. I got my sh** together, called up my sister in Christ Gloria, and I paved a way to a better and brighter future. I mean, I still love things like Woodstock and have an incredibly independent mind, but I stopped being stupid about my independence. I slapped myself across the head and got back on my feet. Now I'm marching my way to greatness. (Cliche, I know.)

The point? I've grown up. I've had to experience horrible things, and I've had to drag myself through so hardships, but all-in-all, look at where I am now. If none of those horrible things had happened, if I hadn't done some of the things I regret doing, I wouldn't be graduating early and getting a jumpstart on my life outside of home. I know this whole post seems super duper cliche, but I feel as if this story needs to be told.

To anyone reading this who may be going through tough times, I just wanted you to know that eventually everyone hits rock bottom, but if you seek guidance from the Lord, you really will find your way back up. I sure did. I hit rock bottom once, twice, and many times after that. I suffered from depression at least three times in my life, and I'm only seventeen! I suffered from anorexia too. So I do understand hardships. I do. But I let myself trust in God and the one sister who has truly been here for me since the beginning, and I haven't  hit rock bottom since.

-Morgan (last post i went by Courtney)